The Pie Sports News Premier League Alternative Awards

Suarez modelling his Pie Sports trophy

It's pretty much the end of the English Premier League season and the awards have been dished out for writer's/player's/young player of the season. Gareth Bale aka the Chimp-man aka Bale-zilla, has been the stand out player combining super charged speed with razor sharp dribbling and powerful accurate shooting.

Bale's Spurs medical

Overseas transfer of the Year

1. Michu- Rayo Vallecano to Swansea City
2. Jan Vertonghen- Ajax to Tottenham Hotspur
3. Christian Benteke- Genk to Aston Villa

Benteke came to Villa as  a fairly unknown Belgian striker. However a string of goalscoring cameos has rocketed his market value and reputation to the top of the Premier League food chain. As a young, strong, fast, agile and skillful striker Benteke would have been close to winning this award if Aston Villa were not flirting so close with relegation.
Vertonghen has given finally given Spurs a real classy centre back replacing (when fit) Ledley King. Composed and with two good feet, he adds an extra goalscoring element to Tottenham team who are on the verge of Champion League football for next season.
Michu is my winner for Overseas Transfer of the Year. The converted attacking midfielder was signed for just £2.5million and not many would have tipped him for doing anything of substance at the Liberty Stadium. But Michael Laudrup's knowledge of Spanish football was astute enough to sign Michu and play him as a forward. A lethal left foot and cultured all round game has turned 22 goal Michu in to one of the deadliest goalscorers in the Premier League right now. Many feared for Swansea this year with 'second season syndrome' after losing some key players, but with a solid season and a League Cup Trophy win, Michu has been the instigator for all things positive and my winner.



Worst Attitude Award

Jose Bosingwa once hailed as one of the finest right backs in world football has certainly fallen from grace. A woeful season from QPR is one thing. But for a number of players who are quite happy to receive outrageously high pay-packets, Bosingwa is the worst. After being relegated from the PL, Jose was seen having a bit of a laugh down the tunnel as players like Clint Hill were in tears on the pitch. Bosingwa is pretty much the epitome of what is wrong with the modern game. Disgraceful.

NEXT...

David Brent Managerial Award

This quiz is genuinely difficult to determine whether It was the fictional tragic boss David Brent or the factual tragic boss Brendan Rodgers...

Wernham Hogg or Anfield?

The above quiz is tough. Brendan Rogers is a modern day Brent, but I don't want to watch re-runs of his interviews on Sunday night.

Best Extra-Curricular Activity Award

Andrey Arshavin

Absolutely nothing creepy about this and completely normal.


The Phil Jones Award for The Greatest Footballing Face in History

ERMAGHERD!

Beautiful man

I love Phil Jones. He is a gifted defender and a very hard working individual, who also has the best game-face in football.

That is the first instalment of Pie Sports News awards, there will be some more of the same and probably a bit more of a analytical and serious look at the up coming awards.

Part 2 Coming Soon...

You are tolerating Pie Sports News

So here you are... Attempting to read the first installment of Pie Sports News. Fairly average blog name, however It will have a no frills style and tasty helping of piping hot opinions. Hopefully I can stir up a debate in relation to the current sporting issues. There we have it.

"Let's be 'avin you! Come on!"

(Delia Smith CBE 28-2-05)

Alex Ferguson's Transfers: The Good, The Bad and The Tevez

Sir Alex Ferguson is finally hanging up his lucky coat and will soon have chewed his last packet of blue Extra. In tribute to the managerial overlord, I have compiled two teams of his Manchester United transfers. Firstly, a team of great value signings from his Utd tenure. Then a team of utterly horrendous transfers who failed to perform for the Red Devils.

Here are the players bought by Ferguson that in my opinion have been fantastic value for money and are true legends of the game.

Fergie's Best Transfers Eleven

1. Peter Schmeichel- The great Dane was bought for £500,000 and arguably was SAF's greatest signing. A fantastic shot stopper with a unique 'starfish' style of one-on-one goalkeeping made him a legend of the game and this team's keeper.
2. Viv Anderson- The tall rangy England right back was one of Fergie's first signings in his bid to create a new dominating Utd. Bought from bitter rivals Arsenal it was a huge coup and the type of player that epitomised what Alex wanted in a footballer.
3. Dennis Irwin- Hard working, intelligent and a brilliant tackler. Irwin was signed for £625,000 from Oldham and it proved to be an extremely astute purchase. His free-kick and penalty attributes were crucial for Utd but his longevity and reliability were even more important.
4. Jaap Stam- An ogre of a man and a unrelenting force at the back for Utd. The Dutchman was a frighteningly strong defender, rapid and had a dominating aerial ability to match. Ferguson is still adamant that selling Stam was one of the biggest mistakes he made as Man Utd boss.
5. Rio Ferdinand- Signed from Leeds Utd for a record breaking fee was pressure enough in itself. However, elegance and word class defending was Rio's bread and butter under Sir Alex. Besides from saying "you've been merked", there can be few people that can doubt his class and his ability to prove the critics wrong
6. Roy Keane- The Irishman's aggressive attitude and tenacious tackling were harnessed by Ferguson and turned into a dominant combative midfielder. In his prime there were few better and few so intimating as him. Keano as a captain was the driving force behind what exactly Fergie wanted on the pitch.
7. Eric Cantona- Signed from bitter rivals Leeds Utd, Cantona brought flare, excitement and entertainment to Old Trafford. King Eric was a troubled character but with Ferguson's guidance he was able to get the very best out of him. Undoubtedly one of the best players to grace the English Premiership, Cantona was a misunderstood genius of the modern game.
8. Paul Ince- 'The Guv'nor' was a swaggering central midfielder with a stamina, pace and a 'foot like a traction engine'. Bought for £1 million in 1989, Ince was a controversial bargain of a transfer appearing in a Man Utd strip while still contracted to West Ham.
9. Cristiano Ronaldo- In a friendly against Sporting Lisbon, a fresh faced 17 year old showed enough glimpses of skill for Sir Alex to pay £12.2 million for him. Fergie transformed Ronaldo from a player who did more lollipops than Willy Wonka's factory to a world beater. Unbelievable dribbling technique, speed, strength and a rocket of a shot, Ronny scores almost a goal a game and is one of the current best.
10. Wayne Rooney- Bought as a Evertonian boy with bags of potential  Wazza scored a hat-trick on his Champions League debut. There is no doubt that Fergie has tamed the beast which is Rooney and his all round ability can surely be credited to his coaching and having such a strong father figure in Sir Alex. There are questions over Rooney's form this season, however what he brings to the United team  as a forward is much more than just goals.
11. Mark Hughes- Signed for the second time in 1988, Sparky was a dynamic goalscorer and the scorer of many an important goal including his outrageous equalising goal against Oldham in the FA Cup semi final. Hard working, quick and strong Hughes was given another chance at Utd and Ferguson got the very best out of him as his mentor. 

It can be argued that Van Der Sar, Bruce, Pallister, Vidic, Solskjaer, Cole, Yorke or Van Nistelrooy could have made the eleven. But I thought that it would be good to have a strong bench and a squad rotation which Fergie has always applied in his teams...

This is my team of misfits, signed by Ferguson in a moment of madness or drunkeness. Probably a combination of both to be fair.

 

Fergie's Worst Tranfers Eleven

1. Massimo Taibi- A £4.5 million transfer to Man Utd is stuff dreams are made of. However, after a flapping man of the match debut followed an unforgivable error against Southampton where the ball seemed to be under 'The Blind Venetian's' control but squirmed through the legs trickling over the line into the back of the net. Soon after he was loaned out to Reggina and banished from playing for Utd ever again.
2. Florent N'Galula- Signed as a youth player, could play in defence or midfield and tagged again as the new Patrick Viera. N'Galula never had the ability to get anywhere near the first team, yet alone the reserves. He stayed at United for 4 years and did next to nothing.
3. David May- Currently a wine merchant and when he played for Man Utd was a shit merchant. May had the fortune to play beside excellent defenders at Blackburn and Utd for the majority of his career. Not blessed with any real pace or skill, being a large lump of a man was adequate enough to be a squad player for Fergie and world class photo-bomber. If you look at the 98/99 celebrations of Man Utd winning the Champions League David May is at the forefront of most of the celebrations... Despite not playing a minute in the competition.
4. William Prunier- Joined Utd as Cantona's continental defender team mate. The anticipation and excitement didn't last long as a string of disastrous games in a make shift Utd defence called the end of his short stayed Utd career. In 1998 he joined Heart Of Midlothian and couldn't get a game. Pretty much says it all.
5. Pat McGibbon- Signed for £100,000, McGibbon made his debut appearance in the League Cup against York City in 1995. Man Utd lost the match 3-0 and McGibbon was sent off, resulting in no further appearances under Alex Ferguson. Utter utter mince.
6. Ralph Milne- WHO? I hear you ask... I remember from years ago in a Fergie interview, him stating that this Scottish bloke was the worst signing he ever made. He did however have similar talents to George Best at Manchester United... alcohol and gambling problems.
7. Jordi Cruyff- Having a Dad as one of the game's all time greats is enough pressure to buckle the strongest of men. Jordi however at times looked like he was playing rounders rather than playing at Old Trafford. No real end product and unable to adapt to the English Premiership pace of football, the fans never took to Johan's son.
8. Eric Djemba Djemba- So bad they named him twice. During the fashionable era of ultra combative defensive mifielders, this Cameroonian International was dubbed the next big thing. A string of highly unimpressive displays and the unique skill of giving the ball away almost every time, Eric was never destined for success as a first team Manchester United player.
9. Liam Miller- Signed off the back of excellent performances for Celtic in the SPL. Miller was expected to be a cross between Keane and Scholes. But he turned out to be about as good as a slug and Jonny Lee Miller. I may be seen as quite harsh but I had first hand experience seeing him play for my club Hibs and he was pretty diabolical.
10. Bebe- Ferguson forked out £7.4 million, yes £7.4 million on the back of a European Street Football tournament in Bosnia. Much was expected of this enigmatic Portuguese youngster, so when he took to the pitch for Utd fans were unpleasantly surprised by his lack of quality for his price tag. There were rumours that Bebe was homeless and played at the Homeless World Cup, although his style of play could be compared to that of a pissed tramp raking through a bin.
11. Dong Fangzhuo- Signed for £500,000 with the possibility of a further £3.5 million depending on games, Dong was loaned straight out to Antwerp for work permit reasons. After a couple of years Utd were hoping this young Chinese goalscorer would come back and be the diamond in the rough they were looking for. But it came quite apparent that Fangzhuo was in fact a lump of coal that Ferguson would not fuel his Manchester engine with.

I have a confession to make. As a young lad I 'supported' Man Utd for several years following their undeniable success. Then one day I woke up and realised that I was just following the glory and was quite bored of them winning every match. My solution was close to home, which is why I support my local team Hibernian FC and I have been basking in disappointment and poor football for many years now. I love it and winning really is overrated.

Sir Alex Ferguson is another Scottish legend of the game who will be remembered as one of the best managers of all time. It's just a shame there are so many world class Scottish coaches and not any footballers these days.